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View Full Version : Why Is Being Friends with the Opposite Sex an Issue?



AngelicaNicole
11-17-2013, 04:53 PM
On Twitter, there were a significant amount of men that said it was a turn off if a woman has a lot of male friends. I am one of those individuals who has more guy friends than females friends - it's not something I chose, it happened that way. I don't understand why a woman having male friends would turn a male off. I think women and men should be able to have as many friends as they want with the opposite sex, it shouldn't matter. Evidently, there is insecurity issues and lack of trust. I personally couldn't be ina relationship with someone like that. Why do you think a male or a female would have issues with their significant having friends of the opposite sex?

april84
11-19-2013, 11:58 AM
Perhaps that person has had someone cheat on them before? Therefore, trust could be difficult for a person that had that experience. I agree with you that seeing that kind of insecurity in a person is unattractive. For me personally, I don't see that there's anything wrong with having platonic friends of the opposite sex.

I do think you should keep it in the back of your mind that you need to keep things on a friendship basis. Don't do anything that you would have a problem with your spouse/boyfriend doing with their opposite sex friend. And don't bad mouth or gossip about your spouse to your opposite sex friend.

Sherief
11-19-2013, 04:01 PM
I think april84 is precise in her response, it's insecurity and trust issues. Some men (and some women also), do not believe there is such thing as platonic relationships. I have had many female friends throughout my life, and I have had girlfriends with many male friends. One thing I know for sure is that there are some males out there who have problems being just friends, they develop feelings, and problems start happening in the friendship. My wife has many male friends, and I have seen some of her friendships go sour because the man wanted more than she could or wanted to offer.

firelily99
11-20-2013, 04:20 PM
I have a number of male friends and as long as everybody is clear as to what the boundaries are then there are no problems. Its the nature of the work that I do that I would have connections with more men than women. In a way it helps me with my friendships with women because after being around the "boys" so much I have a greater appreciation of my relationships with women.

Ladyshucula
11-20-2013, 05:43 PM
I for one believe that any friendship we may have had before entering into a committed relationship (especially marriage) should be limited to the friends of the opposite sex who are willing to become "friends" to both parties in the relationship. Noone should be so close to "a friend" that it causes problems to the committed union! This should be discussed prior to becoming " a couple" Trust is not automatic. It is a decision and is often earned!:D

Oznola
11-23-2013, 08:01 PM
Being friends with the opposite sex and entering in a committed relationship can be an issue. I wouldn't feel 100 % secure if my woman was over a straight heterosexual male's home alone.

Denis Hard
11-26-2013, 01:02 AM
I think the issue here would be that it's hard to identify the boundary between friendship and amorous love. It simply takes a word or an action to unbalance the equation. A woman having many male friends would mean, she has many choices should she and her man break-up for some reason. To men, that creates a feeling of insecurity.

Trellum
12-10-2013, 04:07 PM
I have no issues with my boyfriend having some female friends, as long as there are some limits set. There is no way I'd be ok he kept going out with them alone, I'd wonder why I wouldn't be able to come along. I'd feel suspicious! Sometimes is more than just insecutrity, sometimes when you had relationships in which you were lied to a lot and got really hurt, then is very likely you will have a hard time trusting a man/woman. Sometimes the man/woman might not be 100% responsible for that, but you just can't help to feel what you feel!

I personally prefer to stay away from male friends, you never know if you could fall in temptation somehow... specially if the other person is very attracted to you. Something can happen! After all a lot friendships end in a relationship... but rarely the opposite happens!

As for my boyfriend... it's ok he has female friends at work, but outside from it? Not sure at all!

tajnz
12-10-2013, 06:06 PM
There's nothing wrong with having friend's of the opposite gender (I have an even split of male and female friends), as long as neither person (in a male/female relationship) has romantic feelings about the other. Problems only arise when one person or both people harbor secret crushes. I have had issues in the past where male friends confessed after weeks or months of platonic friendship that they'd had crushes on me the whole time, which was a little shocking as I never flirted with them and even told them that they were like brothers to me.

Charli
12-10-2013, 07:24 PM
It's an issue because there is a lack of trust in relationships. If trust was not an issue, I don't think that talking to the opposite sex would be an issue either. Simple. But then again, you can't over do it. I can see grabbing coffee or something with the opposite sex because she/he's genuinely a great friend, but late night drinks? No.

min.sol.armstrong
12-21-2013, 10:15 PM
A male should not have or continue to have female friends that he could not trust himself with! Anything other than that would suggest more than a "friendship." Then there would have to be mutual friendship established between those "friends" and the man's spouse (or significant other) out of nothing more than respect.

Disrespecting a man's spouse (or significant other), is also disrespecting the man!

*TKM*

sidney
12-24-2013, 09:55 PM
Well I think it's because you are just cautious that anything can happen and develop between a man and woman, you know? One may fall for or hook up with the other, so it's natural that you worry about it. No guy ever worried about his gf going out with her girls if you haven't noticed. It's because her friends are not a threat.

Josie
12-28-2013, 10:08 PM
The only issue is trust. Almost all of my friends are male; I relate to them more it seems. I would never be with someone who saw my friends as a threat. Or someone who would expect me never to make another male friend as long as we're together. I didn't give you those trust issues, I expect to not be treated like I did. Plus, I'm a grown woman.. I will be friends with who I want, when I want, how I want and if you don't like it, you're insulting my character. I'm a fiercely loyal person.. question that and you're gone ;)

kellykr9
01-09-2014, 07:50 PM
Jealousy - People can't help but get jealous when they see their loved one happy with another guy/girl. This is natural, jealousy is normal, it's when you act upon those negative emotions, that problems start to rise.
Insecurity - They begin to feel insecure about themselves and tend to lash out at you. Unconsciously, they begin to see it as your fault. If you weren't so close to your friend, then they wouldn't feel this way. It's not always done intentionally.
Trust- Insecurity and jealousy lead to trust issues and they can't help but trust you or your friend. It's worse if you've had a past of cheating or if you've had different boyfriends.

I think overall, communication is critical when it comes to a relationship and having friends of the opposite gender. I have been completely honest in all of my relationships. My best friend is a guy and he is like a brother to me. Nothing has ever happen and nothing will ever happen between us. He is the one I go to for relationship advice and the one I talk to about my crushes. He has five other sisters and he treats me like a six. I don't hang out with him as much, I tend to hang out more with the girls, but we do talk. I never erase my messages and I don't hide any of my friendships. If you're too insecure or to iffy about it, then I don't think we can work. I have even a closer relationship with best girlfriend as well (friend who is a girl) and I've known her longer. I won't stop being friends with either one.

deebee
01-11-2014, 12:06 AM
I do not see this as a problem at all. Everyone is entitled to be friends with whomever they chose. Often times when people have issues with having friends that are the same sex, it is due to insecurities. I can speak from experience. My ex boyfriend was just so jealous. He hated everyone of my male friends for no reason. When i confronted him on the topic, he did admit it was because he was jealous and felt that I may stray one day. I told him we had a great relationship and I am not a cheater. If I am no longer happy I would tell him. He replied " you love men with big muscles and thats what your male friends have. My muscles are not nearly as big as theirs. You may leave me for them".I told him he was being ridiculous. Needless to say we broke up because of his constant insecure behavior and accusing me of " you may cheat or leave me for one of your male friends".

isabbbela
02-19-2014, 08:27 PM
To me, its not that being friends with a guy is a problem, but the way they usually start treating me and see me is the problem. I always had female friends, the few times that I tried toebe friends with guys they eventually mistook our friendship for something more, and needless to say the friendship ws over after that....
The last guy started to tell everyone how he felt about me and it just got to a point it was so awkward that I couldn't be friends with him anymore.